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These should put a smile on your dial !
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RRSTDV8
 


Member Since: 07 Apr 2014
Location: Here
Posts: 13605

United Kingdom 

Ah, the classics are doing the rounds! Bow down Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter
 Visiting from rrsport.co.uk
2012 RRS SDV6
2008 RRS TDV8
"When you fire that first shot, no matter how right you feel, you have no idea who's going to die! You don't know who's children are going to scream and burn. How many hearts will be broken. How many lives shattered. How much blood will spill, until everybody does what they were always going to have to do from the very beginning: SIT DOWN AND TALK!" 
 
Post #237297611th Jul 2024 8:49 am
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Hardware
 


Member Since: 28 Jun 2016
Location: Hiding under the M60
Posts: 13041

United Kingdom 2011 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 XS Auto Sumatra BlackDiscovery 4

I'm expecting the dead birds on the M25 joke coming round again soon Laughing
 .


Dean
====================================

2011 D4 XS - OBD port protection, RLD spare wheel protector, All LED interiors lights, Timed Climate enabled, iiD tool paired.
2011 D4 Landmark - Stolen from same dealer before I paid for it
2011 D4 GS - Stolen whilst at dealer Sad ... All LED interiors lights, DRLs, Spare Wheel protector.
1996 300Tdi - Eaten by tin worms 
 
Post #237299111th Jul 2024 2:47 pm
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defector
 


Member Since: 23 Feb 2009
Location: Greater Manchester
Posts: 1476

United Kingdom 2008 Discovery 3 TDV6 HSE Auto Zermatt SilverDiscovery 3

I thought it was the M4?
Still makes me laugh.
  
Post #237299211th Jul 2024 2:57 pm
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Paul J.
 


Member Since: 09 Dec 2005
Location: Leafy Cheshire
Posts: 7659

United Kingdom 

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 An ex-Disco3 / FFRR / I-Pace owner ......

..... now pootling around in a Porker EV. 
 
Post #237300411th Jul 2024 5:22 pm
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NJSS
 


Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10843

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4

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Post #237338516th Jul 2024 2:36 pm
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Hardware
 


Member Since: 28 Jun 2016
Location: Hiding under the M60
Posts: 13041

United Kingdom 2011 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 XS Auto Sumatra BlackDiscovery 4

Found this on Twitter ...

A funny and true story about the late Queen:

Around 2005, the Queen and her Personal Protection Officer, Dick Griffin, were walking alone one afternoon in the hills near the Scottish royal castle, Balmoral.

Two tourists approached them, and engaged in conversation.

Griffin recalls:
There were two hikers coming towards us, and the Queen would always stop and say hello.
They were two Americans on a walking holiday.
It was clear from the moment we stopped that they hadn't recognized the Queen, which was fine.

The American gentleman was telling the Queen where they came from, where they were going next, and where they'd been in Britain.

I could see it coming, and sure enough, he said to Her Majesty: 'And where do you live?'

She replied: 'Well I live in London, but I've got a holiday home just the other side of the hills.'

He said: 'How long have you been coming up here?'

She replied: 'I've been coming up here ever since I was a little girl, so over 80 years.'

You could see the cogs whirring, so he said: 'Well, if you've been coming up here for over 80 years, you must have met the Queen.'

Quick as a flash, she said: 'I haven't, but Dick here meets her regularly.'

The hiker then asked Griffin what the monarch was like in person.

"Because I was with her a long time, and I knew I could pull her leg, I said: 'Oh, she can be very cantankerous at times, but she's got a lovely sense of humour.'

The next thing I knew, this guy comes round, puts his arm around my shoulder, and before I could see what was happening, he gets his camera, GIVES IT TO THE QUEEN, and says: 'Can you take a picture of the two of us?'

Then we swapped places, and I TOOK A PICTURE OF THEM WITH THE QUEEN.

And we never let on, and we waved goodbye.

Afterwards, Her Majesty said to me: 'I'd love to be a fly on the wall when he shows those photographs to his friends in America, and hopefully someone tells him who I am'."
  
Post #237380222nd Jul 2024 3:36 pm
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NJSS
 


Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10843

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

SWMBO walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing."

The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?"

At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?

Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion:

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case. Time for another beer. Then maybe a nap.
  
Post #237489710th Aug 2024 9:22 am
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Paul J.
 


Member Since: 09 Dec 2005
Location: Leafy Cheshire
Posts: 7659

United Kingdom 

Click image to enlarge
 An ex-Disco3 / FFRR / I-Pace owner ......

..... now pootling around in a Porker EV. 
 
Post #237504412th Aug 2024 9:16 pm
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Hardware
 


Member Since: 28 Jun 2016
Location: Hiding under the M60
Posts: 13041

United Kingdom 2011 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 XS Auto Sumatra BlackDiscovery 4

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 .


Dean
====================================

2011 D4 XS - OBD port protection, RLD spare wheel protector, All LED interiors lights, Timed Climate enabled, iiD tool paired.
2011 D4 Landmark - Stolen from same dealer before I paid for it
2011 D4 GS - Stolen whilst at dealer Sad ... All LED interiors lights, DRLs, Spare Wheel protector.
1996 300Tdi - Eaten by tin worms 
 
Post #237522215th Aug 2024 4:52 pm
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HWN
 


Member Since: 23 Feb 2018
Location: Near Llanybydder (near Puff!)
Posts: 4600

Wales 2014 Discovery 4 3.0 TDV6 HSE Auto Zermatt SilverDiscovery 4

Your name is going on the list. Vot is your name?
 
2015 Volvo V40
2014 D4 HSE
2006 RRS - C'est mort. Fin...  ...It's alive!  Oh no, it's not - scrapped.
2019 Suzuki Kingquad 400
2017 RamRod Taskmaster 1150
1977 John Deere 2130
 
 
Post #237528416th Aug 2024 2:03 pm
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nigethecat
 


Member Since: 11 Sep 2016
Location: Marnoch
Posts: 4252

Ukraine 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Commercial XS Auto Corris GreyDiscovery 4

Don’t tell them your name Pike!
 I want to see the sweets before I get into your windowless van... I'm not stupid!

Corris Grey D4 Commercial SE 2016
Zermatt Sliver 2007 D3 SE manual (gone)
Indus Silver D4 HSE 2015 (gone)
Bonatti Grey D3 HSE 2006 (gone)
White D3 S (LHD) 2007 (gone)
Firenze Red D4 HSE 2014 (gone)
Black RRS 3.6TDV8 2008 (gone)
Rusty Green Defender 110 1997 (gone)
Black FL2 HSE 2013 (gone) 
 
Post #237528516th Aug 2024 2:14 pm
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NJSS
 


Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10843

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4

A little girl was leaning into a lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, all under the eyes of her screaming parents:

A biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A BBC reporter, Laura Kuenssberg, had watched the whole event.

Laura, addressing the Harley rider says. "Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.”

The Harley rider replies. "Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”

Miss Kuenssberg. "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a BBC journalist, you know and tomorrow's news will run this story. So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?”

The biker replies. "I'm a British Army veteran, a Conservative and I voted for Brexit.”

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker turns on BBC News to see if it indeed brings news of his actions.

BBC (DT, too nowadays) Headline::-

RIGHT WING UK VETERAN ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH.
  
Post #237551820th Aug 2024 12:56 pm
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defector
 


Member Since: 23 Feb 2009
Location: Greater Manchester
Posts: 1476

United Kingdom 2008 Discovery 3 TDV6 HSE Auto Zermatt SilverDiscovery 3

Bow down had a good chuckle at that.
  
Post #237555920th Aug 2024 11:10 pm
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Hardware
 


Member Since: 28 Jun 2016
Location: Hiding under the M60
Posts: 13041

United Kingdom 2011 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 XS Auto Sumatra BlackDiscovery 4

These, apparently, are failed efforts at getting our government to introduce new policies !


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 .


Dean
====================================

2011 D4 XS - OBD port protection, RLD spare wheel protector, All LED interiors lights, Timed Climate enabled, iiD tool paired.
2011 D4 Landmark - Stolen from same dealer before I paid for it
2011 D4 GS - Stolen whilst at dealer Sad ... All LED interiors lights, DRLs, Spare Wheel protector.
1996 300Tdi - Eaten by tin worms 
 
Post #237563721st Aug 2024 8:23 pm
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Hardware
 


Member Since: 28 Jun 2016
Location: Hiding under the M60
Posts: 13041

United Kingdom 2011 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 XS Auto Sumatra BlackDiscovery 4

Click image to enlarge
 .


Dean
====================================

2011 D4 XS - OBD port protection, RLD spare wheel protector, All LED interiors lights, Timed Climate enabled, iiD tool paired.
2011 D4 Landmark - Stolen from same dealer before I paid for it
2011 D4 GS - Stolen whilst at dealer Sad ... All LED interiors lights, DRLs, Spare Wheel protector.
1996 300Tdi - Eaten by tin worms 
 
Post #237585225th Aug 2024 12:48 pm
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