Member Since: 31 Dec 2005
Location: South West
Posts: 23560
Apologies if this has been posted already.2006 D3 HSE (Original & still the best)-GONE
2010 D4 HSE (A bit bling)-GONE
2014 D4 HSE (Almost too bling)-GONE
2015 D4 HSE (A heated what?)-GONE
2016 D4 Landmark (Written Off)-GONE
2016 D4 Landmark (Surely the last!) PD1881 rims-GONE
2017 FFRR SDV8 Autobiography (now semi-retired)
19th Apr 2020 5:41 pm
nearlee
Member Since: 15 Dec 2012
Location: where the sheep are scared
Posts: 1777
Covid Virus Alert
The English are feeling the pinch about the virus threat and have raised
the threat level from "Miffed" to "Peeved".
Soon, though, the level may be raised again to "Irritated" or even "A
Bit Cross".
The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea
supplies nearly ran out.
The virus has been recategorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance".
The last time the British issued the "A Bloody Nuisance" warning level
was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from " Off" to "Let's Get
the b d ".
They don't have any other levels.
This is the reason they've been deployed on the front line of the
British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday it had raised its alert level
from"Run" to "Hide".
The remaining higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender".
The rise was sparked by a recent fire which destroyed France's white
flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing".
Two levels remain - "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs".
They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday, as usual.
The only threat they're worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish
navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from "No worries" to
"She'll be right, Mate".
Two more escalation levels remain - "Crikey! I think we'll need to
cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled".
So far, no situation has ever warranted the use of that final escalation
level.
Just remember:-
Amateurs built the Ark
Professionals built the titanic
20th Apr 2020 7:42 am
waterbuoy
Member Since: 26 Oct 2013
Location: Argyll
Posts: 2884
So un PC but also brilliant!Currently 2009 Disco 3 SE, 2013 MY D4 HSE and 2016 D4 SE
Previously:
TD5 Defender 110 CSW (230k miles)
300TDi Disco 1 (289k)
4 RR Classics (300-350k each, 2 manual, 2 auto)
110 V8 CSW (220k)
S3 109 hi cap pickup (ex RN)
S2A 88 Safari SW with lpg conversion (bloody lethal)
20th Apr 2020 9:32 am
Oswiperus D3 Decade
Member Since: 02 Apr 2010
Location: Chelmsford, Essex
Posts: 1595
Stu
2016 D4 Landmark current
2022 Defender D300 SE Gone
D4 2014 XS Commercial - Gone
D4 2016 hse lux montalcino red - Gone
D3 2005 se java black - current
D3 2005 base manual - gone
D2 1999 TD5 E white - current
20th Apr 2020 9:44 am
waterbuoy
Member Since: 26 Oct 2013
Location: Argyll
Posts: 2884
The BBC News announced last night there is growing concern about the amount of bad Colvid-19 jokes appearing. If the growth continues at this rate , it could turn into a pundemic!!
Grabbing my coat.......Currently 2009 Disco 3 SE, 2013 MY D4 HSE and 2016 D4 SE
Previously:
TD5 Defender 110 CSW (230k miles)
300TDi Disco 1 (289k)
4 RR Classics (300-350k each, 2 manual, 2 auto)
110 V8 CSW (220k)
S3 109 hi cap pickup (ex RN)
S2A 88 Safari SW with lpg conversion (bloody lethal)
Just read that the poet laureate is doing stuff regarding CV-19 so thought I'd have a go too.
This Be The Verse
BY PHILIP LARKIN Hardware
They f**k you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They won’t stay in, don’t think that’s bad
because Corvid ? Just another ‘flu’.
So now they’re shopping in their turn
With friends in old-style hats and coats,
Who can’t decide where 2 metres ends
And half the time don’t give it a thought.
Old Man hands on corvid to man.
By NOT social distancing self.
STAY IN as much you really can,
Don’t infect any kids yourself.
2011 D4 XS - OBD port protection, RLD spare wheel protector, All LED interiors lights, Timed Climate enabled, iiD tool paired.
2011 D4 Landmark - Stolen from same dealer before I paid for it
2011 D4 GS - Stolen whilst at dealer ... All LED interiors lights, DRLs, Spare Wheel protector.
1996 300Tdi - Eaten by tin worms
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Off" to "Let's Get
