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DISCO3.CO.UK > Off Topic - Humour, Rants & Pointless Posts

My New Book
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Sea Raider
 


Member Since: 01 Nov 2016
Location: None
Posts: 4450
My New Book

Hello everyone

I kept this very quiet but I have written a book and am quite proud of the results and, in order to market the publication, I'm asking friends and family to spread the news about this essential read. This book on golf gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my 20+ years of golfing experience.

Highlights include:

Chapter 1) How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt

Chapter 2) How to Hit a Maxfli ball from the Rough When You Just Hit a Titleist from the Tee

Chapter 3) How to Get More Distance off the Shank

Chapter 4) When to Give the Greenkeeper the Finger

Chapter 5) Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 09:00

Chapter 6) How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water

Chapter 7) How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three off the Tee

Chapter 😎 How to Relax When You Are Hitting Five off the Tee

Chapter 9) When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent

The book also includes some GOLF TERMINOLOGY
A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole
A Diego Maradonna - a nasty 5 footer
A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
A Philip Schofield - thought it was straight, but it wasn't
A Cuban - needs one more revolution
An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim
An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker
A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand
A Kate Moss - bit thin
A Gerry Adams - playing a Provisional
A Brazilian - Just shaved the hole
A Rodney King - overclubbed
An O. J. Simpson - got away with it
A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver
A Ladyboy - looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems
A Condom - safe but didn't feel real good
A Sister-in-law – you’re up there but you know you shouldn't be
I have copies in stock but I anticipate a rush so be quick and ensure you don't miss out!  
Post #21843703rd Nov 2020 11:06 pm
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davidhem
 


Member Since: 21 Feb 2013
Location: Kenilworth
Posts: 710

United Kingdom 2009 Discovery 3 TDV6 HSE Auto Galway GreenDiscovery 3

I almost choked to death laughing so much, please put a health warning at the top.

Yours Philip Schofield. David

  
Post #21843753rd Nov 2020 11:27 pm
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terryall
 


Member Since: 17 Jun 2011
Location: Whitstable
Posts: 1430

United Kingdom 2009 Discovery 3 TDV6 HSE Auto Stornoway GreyDiscovery 3

Brilliant idea. I am a publisher, and golfer, and thought of publishing a book of famous golfing expressions.
It only got to around 7 pages and the idea collapsed in a pile of expletives.  
Post #21843864th Nov 2020 12:43 am
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galwaygreen
 


Member Since: 30 Oct 2011
Location: plymouth
Posts: 6525

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 TDV6 Graphite LE Auto Loire BlueDiscovery 4

where can we get it ??  
Post #21843874th Nov 2020 12:44 am
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Gareth
Site Moderator 


Member Since: 07 Dec 2004
Location: Bramhall
Posts: 26748

United Kingdom 

Having made my living from golf, I’m laughing out loud at those! Brilliant. 👍  
Post #21843884th Nov 2020 12:52 am
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ianm27
 


Member Since: 02 Jun 2016
Location: Hertfordshire
Posts: 2154

England 2012 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 GS Auto Orkney GreyDiscovery 4

Rolling with laughter definitely an Xmas stocking filler Rolling with laughter Uncle Ray's spare wheel protector
Limo Tint
Blackvue front & rear dashcam
Cruise control switch pack
Bodsy's remote for FBH  
Post #21844464th Nov 2020 1:54 pm
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Rawly
 


Member Since: 08 Aug 2020
Location: Sunderland
Posts: 75

2015 Discovery 4 3.0 TDV6 HSE Auto Indus SilverDiscovery 4

classic Bow down Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter  
Post #21844524th Nov 2020 3:13 pm
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Grumpydog
 


Member Since: 10 Apr 2019
Location: Medway/ Mos Eisley
Posts: 161

United Kingdom 2005 Discovery 3 TDV6 HSE Auto Tonga GreenDiscovery 3

You’ve missed the Dominic Cummins. A long drive, well out of bounds with no penalty. 2004 Disco 3 HSE TDV6
2015 Audi Q5 S Line plus
2008 Audi A4 Avant S Line Black Edition. Gone
2005 Chrysler Grand Voyger. Gone  
Post #21845315th Nov 2020 1:46 am
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Trucks
 


Member Since: 30 Nov 2019
Location: south newton
Posts: 375

United Kingdom 2005 Discovery 3 TDV6 HSE Auto Tonga GreenDiscovery 3

Brilliant reply Rolling with laughter Censored Rolling with laughter Censored  
Post #21845475th Nov 2020 9:05 am
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