Member Since: 11 Feb 2010
Location: Dubai, UAE
Posts: 135
Dave's Dead
This made I larf!!
Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.
He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed. 'Who the hell are you?', demanded Dave, 'and what are you doing in my bedroom ?'
The mysterious man answered, 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter.'
Dave was stunned. 'You mean I'm dead !!! That can't be, I have so much to live for - and I haven't said goodbye to my family. . . You've got to send me back straight away.'
St Peter replied, 'Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.'
Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.
A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around, pecking the ground.
'This ain't so bad', he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, 'So you're the new hen, How are you enjoying your first day here?'
'It's not so bad', replies Dave, 'but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode.'
'You're ovulating', explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before.'
'Never', replies Dave.
'Well just relax and let it happen'.
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.
When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever
happened to him . . . Ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting... 'Dave, wake up, you drunken b@stard. You've sh*t the bed !!'
It's a question of prestige is it, Mr Bridger?
18th Mar 2010 9:37 am
heine
Member Since: 07 Feb 2007
Location: Midrand
Posts: 4054
18th Mar 2010 9:57 am
crwoody
Member Since: 09 Mar 2009
Location: Littleborough
Posts: 2109
That's the best one I've heard in quite a while Clive
18th Mar 2010 10:07 am
bigcarpchaser
Member Since: 13 Oct 2007
Location: Camberley
Posts: 2270
As you slide down the banister of life
may no splinters point your way
Disco XXV
RRS2 Autobiography Dynamic MY16
Discovery Sport HSE Lux MY17
Evoque HSE Dynamic MY16 (Gone)
RRS2 Autobiography Dynamic MY14 (Lovely car but preferred the Disco!)
Disco 3 Tdv6 HSE MY05 (owned for 11 years and now gone)
Range Rover Sport HSE MY11 (Gone)
Freelander2 SE (Gone but the most reliable car we've ever owned)
Disco 2 V8 (Gone)
18th Mar 2010 10:20 am
heine
Member Since: 07 Feb 2007
Location: Midrand
Posts: 4054
bigcarpchaser wrote:
You need to get out more Clive
I was going to say that but thought it would be too bitchy
18th Mar 2010 10:24 am
bigcarpchaser
Member Since: 13 Oct 2007
Location: Camberley
Posts: 2270
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