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SUNDERLAND TO BUILD CAR THAT WON'T REACH DONCASTER

THE Nissan factory in Sunderland is to produce a new electric car that will be unable to get as far as Doncaster.

The Leaf, backed by £21m of taxpayers' money, has been specially designed so that if it is driven out of the factory after rush hour on a Thursday morning it will grind to a state-of-the-art halt on the A1 approximately 100 miles later.

A company spokesman said: "It should get you at least as far as Knottingley, if you keep it at 28 all the way and ignore red lights and stuff.

"The absolute furthest it would get you is probably about two miles north of Burghwallis, which - as I'm sure everyone would agree - is almost Doncaster. When you phone for a cab tell them to pick you up from the pub."

The spokesman admitted it would be difficult to recharge the car in the middle of the South Yorkshire countryside due to Britain's 'scandalous shortage' of incredibly long extension leads.

He added: "You may as well just abandon it by the side of the road. But they only cost about twenty thousand quid so you'll probably have at least five of them."

The company stressed the car would be more attractive to people who lived in urban areas, close to their place of work who had always wanted to have a long cable running from their third floor kitchen window down into the street like some sort of Action Man death slide.

The spokesman said: "We are building up the infrastructure so that in five years time you'll be able to go to Tesco for your weekly shop and then nip into the recharging station for about 16 hours."

Meanwhile, the company has developed a range of marketing slogans including 'The Leaf - Quite Good For Sitting In' and 'The Leaf - Because You Hate People So Much You Can't Even Spend 15 minutes on a Bus'."

JF Lux wrote:

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[b] 'The Leaf - Because You Hate People So Much You Can't Even Spend 15 minutes on a Bus'."