paul
Member Since: 12 Feb 2006
Location: Midlands
Posts: 594
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.
He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place.
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them.
Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them.
He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs one of the billiard balls.
To everyone's amazement, he sticks it in his mouth, and somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy,
'Did you see what your monkey just did?'
'No, what?'
'He just ate the cue ball off my pool table... whole!'
'Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,' replied the guy, 'he eats everything in sight. Sorry! I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff.'
The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later the guy is in the bar again, and has his monkey with him.
He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar.
He grabs it, sticks it up his , pulls it out, and eats it.
Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his , pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted.
'Did you see what your monkey did now?'
'No, what?' replied the man.
'Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his , pulled them out, and ate them!' said the bartender.
'Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,' replied the guy.
'Since he s*** that cue ball, he measures everything first!' 2006 TDV6 S Auto, Buckingham Blue, for the wife and kids.
2013 BMW 535d M sport touring.
8th Feb 2009 8:32 pm
Matt
Member Since: 15 Jul 2006
Location: Lost in Space
Posts: 456
Matt Discovery 4 SDV6 XS Firenze Red Ebony Leather
Club DuraTrac BLACK POWDER COATED 19 hse wheels
Disco 3 gone but not forgotten
10th Feb 2009 7:50 pm
hernan1304
Member Since: 28 Feb 2008
Location: Dubai
Posts: 490
12th Feb 2009 12:57 pm
heine
Member Since: 07 Feb 2007
Location: Midrand
Posts: 4054
12th Feb 2009 1:37 pm
CG
Member Since: 12 Nov 2007
Location: In the middle somewhere
Posts: 3745
"I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you read is not what I meant"
12th Feb 2009 1:45 pm
GLYNNE
Member Since: 06 Oct 2006
Location: KENT
Posts: 4695
12th Feb 2009 1:53 pm
SJR
Member Since: 09 Aug 2006
Location: East Manchester
Posts: 4030
I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Buzz Aldrin (1930 -
12th Feb 2009 1:56 pm
flinty99
Member Since: 17 Mar 2008
Location: Northumberland
Posts: 2558
For details on the next Kielder Safari click visit the Kielder Safari website
Sold: HSE-G4, Tangiers Orange. (one of your 5 Discoverys a day)
Member of CFT
12th Feb 2009 1:58 pm
BORDER ROVER
Member Since: 03 Dec 2007
Location: Cumbria
Posts: 1105
POT NOODLE NAVIGATION CHALLENGE 2010 WINNER
Club Sankey
Club pie and peas
12th Feb 2009 6:46 pm
White Disco
Member Since: 15 Jan 2007
Location: Gondwana. It's raining. We'll All be roon'd.
Posts: 1463
Did you think I would leave you crying,
When there's room in my D3 for 7,
Climb in here Joe we'll soon be flying,
I can go just as fast with 7.
2005 TDV6 S with Terrain Response (& all that entails), Tasmods (gorn). 2008 TDV6 HSE (gone). A Dark Side umbrella (here) & car (here).
Volkswagen Golf (SWMBO's)
Datsun Insult (SWTSMBOBIO22SHOMSAH)
Datsun Insult (SWTSMBOBIO19SHOMSAH)
4 BMW's (Stents, not the silly cars)
Formerly RED DISCO
13th Feb 2009 10:01 pm
MacLeod 313
Member Since: 18 Apr 2008
Location: away
Posts: 10723
13th Feb 2009 10:07 pm
PaulP
Member Since: 04 May 2007
Location: Barcelona
Posts: 4317
Has to be one of the best one's I've ever heard on here 2006 Discovery 3 TDV6 SE Auto Buckingham Blue
2007 Golf GT DSG
14th Feb 2009 12:09 am
kevi
Member Since: 18 Mar 2006
Location: in the rhondda valleys
Posts: 945
Good one Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
2 Too many seats now
No trouble so far
tow pack, tasmods sills
IT goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows
14th Feb 2009 6:31 pm