These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
--------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in t he park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
Not sure which one is my favourite...As you slide down the banister of life
may no splinters point your way
Disco XXV
RRS2 Autobiography Dynamic MY16
Discovery Sport HSE Lux MY17
Evoque HSE Dynamic MY16 (Gone)
RRS2 Autobiography Dynamic MY14 (Lovely car but preferred the Disco!)
Disco 3 Tdv6 HSE MY05 (owned for 11 years and now gone)
Range Rover Sport HSE MY11 (Gone)
Freelander2 SE (Gone but the most reliable car we've ever owned)
Disco 2 V8 (Gone)
21st Oct 2008 4:01 pm
heine
Member Since: 07 Feb 2007
Location: Midrand
Posts: 4054
21st Oct 2008 4:13 pm
flinty99
Member Since: 17 Mar 2008
Location: Northumberland
Posts: 2558
Re: I should have posted this on Sunday - Humour
AVE wrote:
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
Not sure which one is my favourite...
This is mine
21st Oct 2008 4:16 pm
Discoeast
Member Since: 19 Feb 2008
Location: Boksburg
Posts: 800
Some say church is boring D3 bullbar-spots-roof rack with spots-ladder-long range tank-swing out spare wheel carrier- upgraded tow bar-dash console-internal water tank-duel awnings-drawer system & T T.
21st Oct 2008 4:59 pm
ronp
Member Since: 29 Nov 2006
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 15272
Excellent
21st Oct 2008 5:44 pm
Shrinky
Member Since: 05 Jul 2007
Location: Cotswolds
Posts: 2515
Nice oneGlobal Warming.... I'm luvvin it
21st Oct 2008 6:04 pm
bluebarchetta
Member Since: 25 Oct 2005
Location: Aylesbury
Posts: 524
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
