The Darwin Awards are finally out - the annual honour given to the persons who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out. This year's winner was a real rocket scientist... HONESTLY! Read on...And remember that each and every one of these is a TRUE STORY!!!
And the nominees were:
Semifinalist #1
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
Semifinalist #2
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
Semifinalist #3
A 22-year-old Reston , VA , man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. 'The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground,' Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was 'Major trauma.'
Semifinalist #4
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.
Semifinalist #5
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.
*** And Now, for the winner of this year's Darwin Award:***
(As always, awarded posthumously):
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an aeroplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery.....
An amateur rocket scientist had somehow got hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off), actually a solid fuel rocket that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields.
He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20 -25 seconds.
The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the car remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tyres and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the ground.
You just couldn't make this stuff up, could you?The older I get, the more I realise that people confuse wrinkles for wisdom
Founder member of Club FFRRV
Club Orange, Mint or Fruit
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5th Dec 2008 11:50 am
catweasel
Member Since: 05 May 2006
Location: Bundaleer
Posts: 4805
Re: 2008 DARWIN AWARD WINNERS
JMC wrote:
You just couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
yes you could. a little more research will tell you that they are fake and the last one has been going for at least a decade as far as I know.
the blokes from Myth Busters even tried to replicate it with no success, just made the car go faster.
Amusing, but a reality check on snopes.com tends to quash 95% of these tales. The JATO one appears to date from the 50s.Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
Just got the e-mail and passed it on to an ungrateful audience....... The older I get, the more I realise that people confuse wrinkles for wisdom
Founder member of Club FFRRV
Club Orange, Mint or Fruit
Club Walnut Sniffers
5th Dec 2008 1:36 pm
tanters
Member Since: 24 Oct 2007
Location: Oireland
Posts: 4284
I think cddonkin is starting a dependancy group for unappreciated persons with a sense of humour....you'd be most welcome
If only someone would start one for people who like to spoil other peoples right to have a laugh every once and a while, then we'd all be looked after on here
A happy childhood ... is the worst possible preparation for life.
5th Dec 2008 1:42 pm
heine
Member Since: 07 Feb 2007
Location: Midrand
Posts: 4054
JMC wrote:
Just got the e-mail and passed it on to an ungrateful audience.......
No good deed goes unpunished
5th Dec 2008 2:04 pm
DG Site Moderator
Member Since: 12 Dec 2005
Location: The Gaff
Posts: 50944
Member Since: 31 May 2008
Location: Praha (Prague)
Posts: 2430
Re: 2008 DARWIN AWARD WINNERS
catweasel wrote:
the blokes from Myth Busters even tried to replicate it with no success, just made the car go faster.
but they couldnt get hold of JETO and used something provided by amature rocket groups which was also more powerful than the JETO but boy was it funny watching them chase it in the helicopter, while all the time the military was monitoring them with drones etc.Experience is a difficult teacher, because she gives the test first and then the lesson afterwards!!!!
Just got the e-mail and passed it on to an ungrateful audience.......
Well they amused me, regardless of there age
"I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you read is not what I meant"
5th Dec 2008 2:54 pm
catweasel
Member Since: 05 May 2006
Location: Bundaleer
Posts: 4805
JMC wrote:
an ungrateful audience
an astute audience
and your gave me a chuckle so not wasted and much appreciated
Member Since: 24 Oct 2007
Location: Oireland
Posts: 4284
cdodkin wrote:
tanters wrote:
I think cddonkin is starting a dependancy group for unappreciated persons with a sense of humour....you'd be most welcome
At least get my name right when you insult my jokes!
wow!
Who said anything about insulting your jokes! yes I spelt your name wrong but that would be the dyslexia ko
I was only having a dig at those picky people who dont seem to appreciate your time spent on making us laugh.
They shall remain nameless but you know who you are
right DG, catweasel etc etc A happy childhood ... is the worst possible preparation for life.
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