Member Since: 04 Jan 2023
Location: North Essex
Posts: 704
I have to agree that letting them live on your back without at least charging something does the family member something does them no favours.
They are not going to get such favourable terms elsewhere so a lesson on the reality of life in the wild world out there is important, you also risk encouraging them never to leave.
My son was/is a gadget freak and our electricity bill alone went down by £40 a month when he moved to Cornwall.A visitor from the dark side, my other vehicle is an is still an EV. Strictly speaking its SWMBO.
16th Dec 2024 8:53 pm
RRSTDV8
Member Since: 07 Apr 2014
Location: Here
Posts: 13603
pjm-84 wrote:
I would and I can afford it. Not because I need the money which I may keep / invest and hand back, but because its sets down a ground rule of paying one's way.
When I started earning (whilst still living at home with my parents), my Dad said "you give your Mum £120 / month as housekeeping.". Which was fair enough and I did so. I wasn't going to find anywhere to live, all-in, for £120/month after all. £120/month was 1/4 of my take home.Visiting from rrsport.co.uk
2012 RRS SDV6
2008 RRS TDV8
"When you fire that first shot, no matter how right you feel, you have no idea who's going to die! You don't know who's children are going to scream and burn. How many hearts will be broken. How many lives shattered. How much blood will spill, until everybody does what they were always going to have to do from the very beginning: SIT DOWN AND TALK!"
16th Dec 2024 9:29 pm
pjm-84
Member Since: 04 Oct 2016
Location: Hampshire
Posts: 2607
£200 out of my £572 take home a month.... and the odd quarterly bill. My Mother, who was Irish, said 1/3rd please and then rounded it up to £200
One gas bill wiped me out one quarter and I still now can't believe the cost. I can only consider it too be wrong..... or maybe over a 6 month period. But either way I had to sign a cheque for £400 ish
My trainee pays his Mum £50 a month, and takes home £1300 at 18. He does have to travel and pay for parking (which I may pay for him in the near future )
16th Dec 2024 9:54 pm
mse
Member Since: 27 Jun 2005
Location: Shropshire
Posts: 2707
I can afford it too and my comment was as long as i can afford it and if i can afford it i would do it
The world is hard enough, opportunities less and costs greater. They can learn the same values and have financial disciplines instilled without them having to pay for everything, or being fleeced by the people that are there to be relied on or look after them, just because they are an age doesnt change anything.
After all my money is their money either now or when i die and i would rather them have it now and not struggle now than just wait.
Teaching them financial understanding and consequence, values and prudence does not come by charging them rent - either living with us or in a house i own, if they werent respectful then that might be different
But the world is hard and ill die, they dont need hard from me and when im dead its all theirs...what good is it to me.Mike
17th Dec 2024 1:52 pm
RRSTDV8
Member Since: 07 Apr 2014
Location: Here
Posts: 13603
My Dad's position was that I could do all of my own housework - cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, shopping for food - or I could cough up a bit to cover those things. I didn't see a problem with it then and I don't now 35+years later. Learning that you have to pay your way in life is not a bad lesson to learn.Visiting from rrsport.co.uk
2012 RRS SDV6
2008 RRS TDV8
"When you fire that first shot, no matter how right you feel, you have no idea who's going to die! You don't know who's children are going to scream and burn. How many hearts will be broken. How many lives shattered. How much blood will spill, until everybody does what they were always going to have to do from the very beginning: SIT DOWN AND TALK!"
17th Dec 2024 3:52 pm
mse
Member Since: 27 Jun 2005
Location: Shropshire
Posts: 2707
Kids know they have to pay their own way.
Its been clear to them for years as they didnt have free education, jobs are more scarce, the money is trapped by the old (usually in properties they bought for nothing and sold for a lot), they have to pay in but get little out, eg pensions, prospects are less, pay is lower, things cost more than they have ever done and rules, regulations and everything is geared to stop what the older generation had gifted.
ignoring the UK is a relatively poor country (even though its thought of as rich) its actually been in decline for years and its the younger generation that take the fall for it.
I think you can teach helping, participating in jobs and tasks (i have a farm so yes go clean the animals and help) etc etc...without making them pay rent.
They didnt pay rent at 14 why at 19, the house doesnt cost any more the electricity doesnt cost any more and i come back to they will inherit it.
teaching values, teaching money savvy, teaching care and compassion, charity, teaching responsibility, work ethic (ive worked since i was 15), does not require you to charge the kids for adults choosing to make them.
I would encourage the kids to get a job as soon as possible and earn - i would instil responsibility over their use of money - but i would rather them save that money, enjoy life and have better than me than give it to me, even if i put it in an account and gave it them back. whats £ on a mortgage i was already paying ££££ onMike
17th Dec 2024 5:41 pm
RRSTDV8
Member Since: 07 Apr 2014
Location: Here
Posts: 13603
They don't pay rent at 14 because they aren't earning a salary. I'd have thought that was blindingly obvious.
When I was still at home and my Dad suggested I pay a bit, mortgage interest rates were around 15%, my Dad was the sole earner (Mum didn't have a job at the time) and had recently left the RAF. So there wasn't money swilling around our house at the time. If you were earning, helping to keep the home fires burning was a reasonable ask. Different times but still difficult for many at the time.
But, we make our choices and live by them so if it works for you that's great. Visiting from rrsport.co.uk
2012 RRS SDV6
2008 RRS TDV8
"When you fire that first shot, no matter how right you feel, you have no idea who's going to die! You don't know who's children are going to scream and burn. How many hearts will be broken. How many lives shattered. How much blood will spill, until everybody does what they were always going to have to do from the very beginning: SIT DOWN AND TALK!"
Last edited by RRSTDV8 on 17th Dec 2024 5:48 pm. Edited 1 time in total
17th Dec 2024 5:45 pm
pjm-84
Member Since: 04 Oct 2016
Location: Hampshire
Posts: 2607
Agree......neither did I and it was pretty common back then to pay housekeeping to pay one's way. I didn't grumble. It was the norm. The norm now is to pay nowt or a small amount and grumble because your friends are paying nowt.
A good example is me and my cousin. I had to work for my money, he had the opportunity to earn more money (cab driver) , but borrowed from Mum. £5k here / £10k here.....at the end it was £165k. It only came to light when his Mum died suddenly and they had to be settle the probate. His first point of call to his sister was to say it was a gift and it would only be fair if he didn't take half of the remaining 40k in the estate.
In the later years I paid for the vast majority of items when I was out with my Dad. Hesitate and its was a quick swipe...done. With my Cousin his Mum still paid....the relationship was still established
17th Dec 2024 5:47 pm
Moo D3 Decade
Member Since: 13 Aug 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 14478
I'm with you MSE. My kids know the value of money but it seems daft to charge them to live at home. They dont take the p155, everyone mucks in and its fine. D4 HSE EU6 (Known as Jeeves)
New Defender L663 110 SE (known as Noddy!) Sold
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17th Dec 2024 5:56 pm
pjm-84
Member Since: 04 Oct 2016
Location: Hampshire
Posts: 2607
Read my post......
17th Dec 2024 11:06 pm
mark the spark
Member Since: 22 Jun 2011
Location: southampton
Posts: 2531
Im all for that china chicken in the TV series Bread if your old enough to remember it !
I paid keep from the day i started earning at 16 and yes i moaned about it but learned young nothing comes without hard work.MY05 SE D3 Manual my first LR what a car
MY10 HSE D4 auto
MY14 XXV more buttons than the spaceshuttle
18th Dec 2024 1:18 pm
Worms
Member Since: 24 Sep 2023
Location: Highlands
Posts: 415
Pudding Wine!
Somehow the wine that my Granny and her cronies were drinking in the 1960s is now something fancy that is only readily available in half bottles at twice the price of normal wine!
Click image to enlarge
Previously:
2010 FL2 TD4e GS
‘93 Defender 110 200TDi CSW - still got this, non-runner on SORN.
‘87 Defender 90 4 cyl Petrol
‘83 110 CSW V8 - best ever!
Range Rover 2-door V8 (not sure of year - 4-speed box and vacuum diff switch)
Series III SWB Diesel
18th Dec 2024 3:24 pm
LT
Member Since: 31 Dec 2005
Location: South West
Posts: 23866
I’m not sure a decent Sauternes has ever been cheap and a good vintage Château d'Yquem for example will cost you several hundred quid.
Delicious though. 2006 D3 HSE (Original & still the best)-GONE
2010 D4 HSE (A bit bling)-GONE
2014 D4 HSE (Almost too bling)-GONE
2015 D4 HSE (A heated what?)-GONE
2016 D4 Landmark (Written Off)-GONE
2016 D4 Landmark (Surely the last!) PD1881 rims-GONE
2017 FFRR SDV8 Autobiography (now semi-retired)
18th Dec 2024 4:11 pm
Worms
Member Since: 24 Sep 2023
Location: Highlands
Posts: 415
Yes, perhaps my granny just had better taste in wine than we ever gave her credit for! Her early experience of Sauternes was as a voluntary nurse with the 58th (Scottish) General Hospital in France in 1917. She survived the air-raid on her hospital in St Omer which killed two of her close nursing colleagues.
Thanks for helping me put the cost of a couple of bottles of wine into context! Previously:
2010 FL2 TD4e GS
‘93 Defender 110 200TDi CSW - still got this, non-runner on SORN.
‘87 Defender 90 4 cyl Petrol
‘83 110 CSW V8 - best ever!
Range Rover 2-door V8 (not sure of year - 4-speed box and vacuum diff switch)
Series III SWB Diesel
18th Dec 2024 4:40 pm
LT
Member Since: 31 Dec 2005
Location: South West
Posts: 23866
What a wonderful and also tragic story.
Just imagine the horrors she'd have experienced being a nurse in France during WW1.2006 D3 HSE (Original & still the best)-GONE
2010 D4 HSE (A bit bling)-GONE
2014 D4 HSE (Almost too bling)-GONE
2015 D4 HSE (A heated what?)-GONE
2016 D4 Landmark (Written Off)-GONE
2016 D4 Landmark (Surely the last!) PD1881 rims-GONE
2017 FFRR SDV8 Autobiography (now semi-retired)
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and my comment was as long as i can afford it and if i can afford it i would do it
