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flinty99
Member Since: 17 Mar 2008
Location: Northumberland
Posts: 2558
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The family is sitting at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?'
The father, surprised, answers, 'Well son, there's three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round & firm.
In her thirties & forties, they are like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions.'
'Onions?' 'Yes, you see them, and they make you cry.'
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says, 'Mom, how many types of 'willies' are there?'
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases.
In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his thirties & forties, it's like a birch tree, flexible but reliable.
After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.'
'A Christmas tree??' 'Yes dear, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.'
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 23rd Dec 2008 4:09 pm |
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kevi
Member Since: 18 Mar 2006
Location: in the rhondda valleys
Posts: 945
  
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After 40 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening,
> when the wife felt her husband begin to touch her in ways he hadn't in
> quite some time.
>
> It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began
> down past the small of her back. He then slid his hand across her
> shoulders and neck, slowly worked it down over one breast, then the
> other, stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to
> place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her
> breast again, working down her side, passed gently over and then in
> between her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded
> up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg.
>
> He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly
> stopped, rolled over and became silent.
>
> As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a
> loving voice, "That was wonderful. Why did you stop?"
>
> "I found the remote," he said. Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
2 Too many seats now
No trouble so far
tow pack, tasmods sills
IT goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows
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| 24th Dec 2008 4:37 pm |
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WOODY179
Member Since: 01 Jun 2005
Location: Chesterfield
Posts: 3656
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Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed
through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice
say, "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The frightened burglar stopped dead. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner,
he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes", replied the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and then he asked the parrot, "What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you
Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Doberman Jesus." 1996 Discovery 1 300TDI ES Biarritz Blue, sold
1999 Discovery 2 TD5 ES Rioja Red, sold
2002 Discovery 2 TD5 ES Buckingham Blue, sold
2005 Discovery 3 TDV6 HSE Adriatic Blue, sold
2006 Discovery 3 TDV6 HSE Zambezi Silver, sold
2011 Discovery 4 SDV6 HSE Nara Bronze, sold
2016 Volvo XC60 D5 AWD Lux Nav Twilight Bronze, sold
2020 Range Rover Evoque P250 First Edition, Nolita grey, sold
2023 Range Rover Evoque P300e Autobiography, Carpathian grey
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| 30th Dec 2008 5:20 pm |
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