Member Since: 12 Jan 2009
Location: N Yorks
Posts: 1612
Dog or Cat
How to Give a Cat A Pill
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.
Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and
repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little bxx$£@d's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How To Give A Dog A Pill
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the airClub Pie n Pea
One life....Fish it
D3 Gone but not forgotten
Club Men of Oak
Club Walnut sniffers
D4 Van owner
Ents long lost Uncle
So true! Dogs for me anyday Previously:
2005 D3 2.7 TDV6 S
1984 90 2.25 Petrol CSW
1992 90 200TDi Hard Top
1995 Discovery ES 300TDi
2003 90 TD5 Truck Cab
19th Jan 2009 12:12 pm
Ken
Member Since: 20 Feb 2006
Location: Here
Posts: 10865
Got two cats. One thinks it's a dog and giving it pills is as simple as dunking the pill in some tuna. I could leave the pill in a locked safe and she'd still find it and eat it once it's been in tuna. The other one? Have never been stupid enough to find out if it was ill, far less close enough to medicate it. I like my skin too much. Mind you, she helps keep the rabbits down in the garden I know it's not considered "kind" to say no these days, but no. Just no, ok? And if it's not ok, still no.
19th Jan 2009 12:37 pm
Pelyma
Member Since: 06 Jan 2005
Location: Patching, Sussex
Posts: 15496
NoDo$h wrote:
Got two cats.
Can soon cure that for you DS3 TDV6 HSE - Silver with Alpaca (old one) Gone
DS3 TDV6 HSE- Silver with Alpaca (new one) Gone
D4 HSE Lux - Montalcino Red Gone
Porsche Cayenne V8 Diesel S
19th Jan 2009 12:59 pm
heine
Member Since: 07 Feb 2007
Location: Midrand
Posts: 4054
19th Jan 2009 12:59 pm
Ken
Member Since: 20 Feb 2006
Location: Here
Posts: 10865
It's ok, they're both getting on a bit. They were part of the package when Mrs Do$h and I got together. Discussions are underway to perform a Felinectomy and surgically attach a couple of mutts to the Do$h householdI know it's not considered "kind" to say no these days, but no. Just no, ok? And if it's not ok, still no.
19th Jan 2009 1:14 pm
Willy Eckerslike
Member Since: 12 Jan 2009
Location: N Yorks
Posts: 1612
Ken, Bonny Dogs. Club Pie n Pea
One life....Fish it
D3 Gone but not forgotten
Club Men of Oak
Club Walnut sniffers
D4 Van owner
Ents long lost Uncle
19th Jan 2009 1:33 pm
Willy Eckerslike
Member Since: 12 Jan 2009
Location: N Yorks
Posts: 1612
Definitely Dogs
Club Pie n Pea
One life....Fish it
D3 Gone but not forgotten
Club Men of Oak
Club Walnut sniffers
D4 Van owner
Ents long lost Uncle
Admin note: this post has had its images recovered from a money grabbing photo hosting site and reinstated Previously:
2005 D3 2.7 TDV6 S
1984 90 2.25 Petrol CSW
1992 90 200TDi Hard Top
1995 Discovery ES 300TDi
2003 90 TD5 Truck Cab
19th Jan 2009 2:12 pm
MacLeod 313
Member Since: 18 Apr 2008
Location: away
Posts: 10723
We have 3 cats, almost impossible to catch in order for their tablets, I think Mr Jingles can read the calender and does a runner the nite before.
3 dogs & 2 cats.
2:50am here 3 dogs have been going ballistic in the back yard all night.
I went out to investigate. We also have bats in the nectarine tree. A lot of them .
One flew about 2 feet above my head with a whoo whoo sound, from behind, in the dark. I'm not scared. No. I just like standing here dead straight and stiff, with the hair on the back of my neck standing on end, and sweating
Hope I can say the letter b still or everyone will think I'm a silly bunt. Did you think I would leave you crying,
When there's room in my D3 for 7,
Climb in here Joe we'll soon be flying,
I can go just as fast with 7.
2005 TDV6 S with Terrain Response (& all that entails), Tasmods (gorn). 2008 TDV6 HSE (gone). A Dark Side umbrella (here) & car (here).
Member Since: 30 Nov 2008
Location: norfolk
Posts: 151
defo dogs, our springer thinks pills are treats, yum yum. no worries for us. Did enjoy the cat scenario, [/img]Corrado Vr6
Disco 3 tdv6
Lr 90 3.9 v8
19th Jan 2009 5:03 pm
Pelyma
Member Since: 06 Jan 2005
Location: Patching, Sussex
Posts: 15496
MacLeod 313 wrote:
We have 3 cats, almost impossible to catch
Never seen one out run a .22 250 DS3 TDV6 HSE - Silver with Alpaca (old one) Gone
DS3 TDV6 HSE- Silver with Alpaca (new one) Gone
D4 HSE Lux - Montalcino Red Gone
Porsche Cayenne V8 Diesel S
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
So true! Dogs for me anyday 
8)
:blub:
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