After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started...I'm not as good as I once was........but I'm as good once as I ever was.
23rd Oct 2008 7:44 pm
POINTYED
Member Since: 22 Mar 2008
Location: BURY,LANCS
Posts: 2758
life is tooooo short.enjoy the moment.dont worry be happy
club BSS
23rd Oct 2008 7:52 pm
SJR
Member Since: 09 Aug 2006
Location: East Manchester
Posts: 4030
anyone know how to get coffee out of a keyboard? - I just spewed a cup full 08 LR3 SE V8 - 02 D2 SE7 V8
Porsche 911 (03 996) - 2013 MINI Cooper S
23rd Oct 2008 8:00 pm
flinty99
Member Since: 17 Mar 2008
Location: Northumberland
Posts: 2558
Very funny.
23rd Oct 2008 8:13 pm
discocuzzy
Member Since: 02 Feb 2008
Location: surrey
Posts: 2752
Been reading your Jimmy Tarbuk joke book again Paul
Quality "you cannot teach stupid people to do clever things"
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05 plate D3 HSE in Zermat- Gone
11 Plate D4 Landmark in Fuji white- Gone
08 Plate D3 Hse in Buckingham Blue- Gone
58 plate D3 HSE Silver- Gone
10 Plate D4 HSE Stornaway Grey
23rd Oct 2008 9:50 pm
Popelka
Member Since: 31 May 2008
Location: Praha (Prague)
Posts: 2430
Re: And then the fight started...
Hobgoblin wrote:
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... So, I took her to a gas station.
Experience is a difficult teacher, because she gives the test first and then the lesson afterwards!!!!
24th Oct 2008 8:31 am
DiscoDunc
Member Since: 08 May 2006
Location: Bristol
Posts: 16390
Very Good, as are all your other joke threads
Youve either had a joke book for your birthday or stumbled across an Awesome Joke site..
Keep em coming, Ive not got much to laugh about at the momentDuncan
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If I'd known I was going to be so thirsty this morning I'd have drunk more beer last night.
FFRR Autobiography 4.4 SDV8 MY17
D4 HSE MY13 SOLD
FFRR 3.6 Vogue TDV8 SOLD
D4 HSE MY10 SOLD
D4 SE TECH MY15 SOLD
D4 XS MY12 SOLD
D4 HSE MY10 SOLD
D3 HSE MY06 - Re-Cycled Worldwide
There was another one I was going to post about a couple of Pakistani beggers, but I don't think it would last long I'm not as good as I once was........but I'm as good once as I ever was.
24th Oct 2008 1:24 pm
darrind
Member Since: 04 Jul 2008
Location: In A World of My Own!
Posts: 2908
Like the film - it'd be gone in 60 seconds....Must stop buying shiny toys....
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