Member Since: 07 Apr 2014
Location: Here
Posts: 13080
Told SWMBO that one. Response was, um, restrained...Visiting from rrsport.co.uk
2012 RRS SDV6
2008 RRS TDV8
"When you fire that first shot, no matter how right you feel, you have no idea who's going to die! You don't know who's children are going to scream and burn. How many hearts will be broken. How many lives shattered. How much blood will spill, until everybody does what they were always going to have to do from the very beginning: SIT DOWN AND TALK!"
Nope ... Daren't even think about trying that on her..
Dean
====================================
2011 D4 XS - OBD port protection, RLD spare wheel protector, All LED interiors lights, Timed Climate enabled, iiD tool paired.
2011 D4 Landmark - Stolen from same dealer before I paid for it
2011 D4 GS - Stolen whilst at dealer ... All LED interiors lights, DRLs, Spare Wheel protector.
1996 300Tdi - Eaten by tin worms
18th Sep 2017 8:55 pm
maxbasscat
Member Since: 03 Jan 2016
Location: Cambridgeshire
Posts: 1263
As far as I know not one of his but in his spirit I think?
Texas Sex
Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions
One said, "I think I enjoy the "Rodeo" position the best."
I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy. "What is it?
Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind.
Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear.
"These feel just like your sister's""
Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds......D3 2.7 Zermatt silver (not another one)
D3 4.4 V8 Zambezi silver
D3 4.4 V8 Adriatic Blue
D3 2.7 (gone) Tonga Green
D3 4.4 V8 LHD Tonga Green
FFRR TDV8
Defender 300
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.
A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausage?"
The assistant asks, "Are you Irish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you
something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I
was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?"
The assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
The guy says, "Well then, just because I asked for Irish sausage, why did you ask if I'm Irish?"
The assistant replied, "Because you're in Halfords sir!!!!!”Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.
2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
20th Oct 2017 11:01 am
D4mation
Member Since: 29 Jul 2011
Location: Ruralshire
Posts: 593
The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what calibre the bullet was that killed the animal. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on. They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "Bear." Then he felt the bullet hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 rifle." He was right.
They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their car trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Elk, Shot with a 7mm Mag rifle. He was right again.
Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind,and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. He said to his wife, "I know I was drunk last night, but not drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this blackeye?"
His wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you. You got into bed and put your hand down my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced,
"Skunk, killed with an axe."
21st Oct 2017 2:26 pm
tayaste
Member Since: 15 May 2013
Location: Chester
Posts: 7633
21st Oct 2017 5:14 pm
sean 471
Member Since: 26 Apr 2011
Location: Sheffield
Posts: 2990
Re: As far as I know not one of his but in his spirit I think?
maxbasscat wrote:
Texas Sex
Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions
One said, "I think I enjoy the "Rodeo" position the best."
I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy. "What is it?
Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind.
Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear.
"These feel just like your sister's""
Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds......
That's a cracker
21st Oct 2017 8:21 pm
Berty
Member Since: 23 May 2013
Location: Staffordshire
Posts: 191
brilliant jokes. told them to the wife to a stony face. definitely a bloke thing.D3 Java Black 57 Plate SE, Night Breakers, Grabber ATs, Sidelight LEDs and best of all - Narpy torch. loads more to buy.
Member Since: 16 Dec 2010
Location: East Riding of Yorkshire
Posts: 1659
Wanted a Series 2 LR since childhood but previously owned MY16 Disco Sport HSE TD4 Auto, MY13 RR Sport Black Edition TDV6 Auto, MY10 RR Sport HSE TDV6 Auto, 2007 Freelander 1 Freestyle TD4 Soft Top, 2009 Freelander 2 GS TD4 Auto, 2007 Freelander 2 GS TD4, 2004 Disco 2 Metropolis Auto, 2002 Disco 2 GS, 2000 Freelander 1 SE TD4 SW
Still hoping for a S2 one day!
22nd Oct 2017 10:05 am
Grianaig
Member Since: 08 Jul 2014
Location: Tyne and Wear
Posts: 1286
Told a carefully selected few to SWMBO. She laughed loudly. After 52 years of marriage to me she still has a sense of humour. Maybe I should say because of 52 years of marriage she must have a sense of humour. 2014 MY Discovery XS Indus Silver. Sadly gone. Second last LR of forty eight years continuous ownership.
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... All LED interiors lights, DRLs, Spare Wheel protector.
