Hobgoblin
Member Since: 15 Nov 2007
Location: As always, in the sh*t, it's only the depth that varies
Posts: 1445
  
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Fourth Place :
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,
his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast,
I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'
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Third Place :
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'
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Runner Up:
Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day
to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.
'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'
'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.
'Yes, I did.' he replied.
'My God, Bill, what happened?'
'I got fired.'
'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'
'Oh...she got fired too.'
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Winner:
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!!
===============================================[/b] I'm not as good as I once was........but I'm as good once as I ever was.
Last edited by Hobgoblin on 19th Nov 2008 10:24 am. Edited 1 time in total
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 19th Nov 2008 10:06 am |
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SJR
Member Since: 09 Aug 2006
Location: East Manchester
Posts: 4030
  
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  I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Buzz Aldrin (1930 -
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| 19th Nov 2008 10:10 am |
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heine
Member Since: 07 Feb 2007
Location: Midrand
Posts: 4054
 
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| 19th Nov 2008 10:31 am |
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flinty99
Member Since: 17 Mar 2008
Location: Northumberland
Posts: 2558
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| 19th Nov 2008 11:19 am |
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Discoeast
Member Since: 19 Feb 2008
Location: Boksburg
Posts: 800
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D3 bullbar-spots-roof rack with spots-ladder-long range tank-swing out spare wheel carrier- upgraded tow bar-dash console-internal water tank-duel awnings-drawer system & T T.
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| 19th Nov 2008 11:24 am |
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slipware
Member Since: 27 Dec 2006
Location: The end of the world...
Posts: 211
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That's me then... If you never try, you'll never know...
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| 19th Nov 2008 11:36 am |
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