Member Since: 26 Oct 2008
Location: Scottish Borders
Posts: 600
To the pet owners on here....................
I'm sure this is an old one but........so true
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly..
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children .Club RLD spare wheel protection
Club RLD skid plate
Club its all black
Club D3 - it's gone
Club D4 - just arrived and still all black
29th Jan 2010 6:01 pm
flinty99
Member Since: 17 Mar 2008
Location: Northumberland
Posts: 2558
Sold: HSE-G4, Tangiers Orange. (one of your 5 Discoverys a day)
Member of CFT
29th Jan 2010 6:54 pm
BrianT
Member Since: 17 Nov 2009
Location: Ayrshire
Posts: 2069
Was going to do a quote but its piontless as i would have to quote the whole lot,
So very very trueMY 16 Landmark Santorini Black
MY 05 SE Adriatic Blue (Gone but not forgotten)
29th Jan 2010 7:27 pm
kevi
Member Since: 18 Mar 2006
Location: in the rhondda valleys
Posts: 945
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
2 Too many seats now
No trouble so far
tow pack, tasmods sills
IT goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows
29th Jan 2010 8:29 pm
heine
Member Since: 07 Feb 2007
Location: Midrand
Posts: 4054
29th Jan 2010 8:34 pm
chrisc
Member Since: 18 Oct 2009
Location: Staffordshire
Posts: 362
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