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Paraprosdokians
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NJSS
 


Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10464

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4
Paraprosdokians

The first time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them.

Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence, or phrase, is surprising or unexpected, and is frequently humorous. (Sir Winston Churchill loved them).

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ... but it's still on my to do list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify..." I answered "a doctor."

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

18. I thought about asking God for a V8 Defender 110, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I'll steal one and ask for forgiveness.

NJSS
 Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.

2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t. 
 
Post #216412328th Jul 2020 2:52 pm
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NJSS
 


Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10464

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4

Feel free to add your favourite paraprosdokians like these:-

19. Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, you will be a mile away and he won’t have any shoes.

20. Always swim or dive with a friend. It reduces your chance of shark attack by 50%.

21. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.

22. If I had a pound for every woman that found me unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.

NJSS
 Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.

2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t. 
 
Post #216415828th Jul 2020 4:22 pm
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Roverlike
 


Member Since: 27 Feb 2018
Location: Split
Posts: 70

Croatia 2007 Discovery 3 TDV6 SE Auto Zermatt SilverDiscovery 3

Bow down I like this .... a lot!
  
Post #216416428th Jul 2020 5:03 pm
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Brian_DL13
 


Member Since: 25 Aug 2013
Location: Teesdale
Posts: 1418

United Kingdom 2014 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 HSE Auto Corris GreyDiscovery 4

23. Am I "Woke" ? - obviously, or I wouldn't be typing this

(with apologies to NJSS Whistle)
  
Post #216417728th Jul 2020 6:29 pm
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NJSS
 


Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10464

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4

Brian Thumbs Up

Nigel
 Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.

2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t. 
 
Post #216421228th Jul 2020 8:15 pm
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Hardware
 


Member Since: 28 Jun 2016
Location: Hiding under the M60
Posts: 12676

United Kingdom 2011 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 XS Auto Sumatra BlackDiscovery 4

Laughing

can't decide between 2 and 4 as to which is my favourite
  
Post #216425929th Jul 2020 6:39 am
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Oswiperus
D3 Decade 


Member Since: 02 Apr 2010
Location: Chelmsford, Essex
Posts: 1590

United Kingdom 2005 Discovery 3 TDV6 SE Auto Java BlackDiscovery 3

Very good! Thumbs Up
 Stu

2016 D4 Landmark current
2022 Defender D300 SE Gone Sad
D4 2014 XS Commercial - Gone Sad
D4 2016 hse lux montalcino red - Gone
D3 2005 se java black - current
D3 2005 base manual - gone Sad
D2 1999 TD5 E white - current 
 
Post #216426829th Jul 2020 7:03 am
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NJSS
 


Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10464

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4

24. You’re not yourself today. It’s nice.

25. Your argument is sound, just sound, lots of sound.

26. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.

NJSS
 Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.

2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t. 


Last edited by NJSS on 29th Jul 2020 9:58 am. Edited 1 time in total 
Post #216428729th Jul 2020 8:45 am
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pwheeldon
 


Member Since: 14 Jan 2020
Location: West Yorks
Posts: 1436

England 2005 Discovery 3 TDV6 S Auto Bonatti GreyDiscovery 3

Number 4 is my favourite.

24. My mistake, your fault.
 Discovery 4 GS 2009 Auto Stornoway Grey
Discovery 3 s 2005 Auto Bonatti Grey Gone
Discovery 3 SE 2005 Manual Zambezi Silver Gone
Range Rover Sport HSE 2006 Black
Aston Martin DB7 VV 
 
Post #216430029th Jul 2020 9:20 am
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Charliecloud
 


Member Since: 31 Jul 2014
Location: Tonbridge
Posts: 980

United Kingdom 2005 Discovery 3 4.4 V8 HSE Auto Bonatti GreyDiscovery 3

8 gets my vote Thumbs Up

Nicely done Nigel Very Happy
  
Post #216432429th Jul 2020 11:32 am
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NJSS
 


Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10464

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4

Love and Relationships

27. Take my wife—please. ~Rodney Dangerfield

28. Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

29. Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.

30. I miss my ex so often, I really need a laser sight.

31. The last time I was someone’s type, I was donating blood
 Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.

2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t. 
 
Post #216433329th Jul 2020 12:27 pm
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Heath_DA
 


Member Since: 05 Aug 2009
Location: Stockport
Posts: 667

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Santorini BlackDiscovery 4

Some more for you

32. Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin
33. I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
34. Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement
35. The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
36. Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint
37. My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe
38. My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying
39. I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap
40. Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you
41. Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out
42. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere
43. Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year
 2016 D4 SDV6 Landmark (Gone)
2013 D4 SDV6 HSE Lux (Gone)
2011 D4 SDV6 HSE (Gone)
2008 D3 HSE (Gone)
2005 D3 HSE (Gone) 
 
Post #216433929th Jul 2020 1:02 pm
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robsmith
 


Member Since: 02 Sep 2007
Location: Staffordshire
Posts: 2391

United Kingdom 2005 Discovery 3 TDV6 S Manual Zermatt SilverDiscovery 3

36 - applies to so many other forms of public speaking (and just about every radio so-called DJ around these days)
 Rob Smith
Silver rools OK
 
 
Post #216435929th Jul 2020 5:07 pm
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amazing
 


Member Since: 05 Mar 2011
Location: chengdu
Posts: 1542

China 2011 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 HSE Auto Santorini BlackDiscovery 4
Steve Write

the early bird gets the worm, the second mouse gets the cheese.
 It is better to have and not need it then need and not have it.  
Post #216447130th Jul 2020 1:49 am
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Froogle-Yorkshireman
 


Member Since: 28 Oct 2010
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 296

United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 Landmark LE Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4

45. I sleep eight hours a day and at least ten at night
46. Work fascinates me, I spend hours looking at it
47. The difference between stupidity and genius is genius has its limits
48. Nostalgia isn't as good as it used to be
  
Post #216447630th Jul 2020 5:18 am
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