Member Since: 08 Nov 2005
Location: Oldbury, WM
Posts: 10297
HOW MEN AMUSE THEMSELVES IN TESCO:
Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping. This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford.
Dear Mrs. Murray,
While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months, all verified by our surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5- minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department, and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.
7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.
10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme.
11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.
12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'
13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.' And; last, but not least:
14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'
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19th Feb 2009 6:49 pm
SJR
Member Since: 09 Aug 2006
Location: East Manchester
Posts: 4030
Next time you go to Tesco, post in this thread which one of the 14 tests you completed I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Buzz Aldrin (1930 -
Last edited by SJR on 19th Feb 2009 7:08 pm. Edited 1 time in total
19th Feb 2009 6:52 pm
DiscoDunc
Member Since: 08 May 2006
Location: Bristol
Posts: 16390
Duncan
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If I'd known I was going to be so thirsty this morning I'd have drunk more beer last night.
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19th Feb 2009 6:54 pm
BLACK BETTY
Member Since: 18 Oct 2008
Location: Louth
Posts: 575
I dont know 'BOGSY'
or
have never met him, but why does his name bounce to mind when i read this Nine-tenths of wisdom is being wise in time.
No. 1 is great fun: when people leave their trolley blocking the entire aisle and wander off somewhere I often amuse myself by adding a selection of exotic items to their shopping. Wonderful to watch if you are at the next checkout a bit later...
19th Feb 2009 7:13 pm
SJR
Member Since: 09 Aug 2006
Location: East Manchester
Posts: 4030
Pregancy tests dropped in random trolleys can also be good fun, especially if spotted at the checkout by unsuspecting wife/husband I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Buzz Aldrin (1930 -
Member Since: 17 Sep 2005
Location: Living among Bawbags
Posts: 4528
Not quite the same but I used to get dragged round the shops in my younger days. Always ending up in M&S undies dept
Used to love saying to a suitably nice lady that me and the wife think you'd look good in that, as the wifey was holding sexy undies.... Always got a varied response, but it was always the same from the wife
never really done the shopping thing together for years.
19th Feb 2009 9:01 pm
c-way
Member Since: 14 Dec 2008
Location: Peterborough
Posts: 20
Brilliant!! I will not be able to let the half loose around the supermarket again without wondering
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