NJSS
Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10479
  
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| The Jewish Elbow, The Italian Grandfather & The Irish Blonde |
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The Jewish ELBOW
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301.There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left.. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? .........
"What . . . .. .. You're coming empty handed?"
____________________________ _________________
2. Wise Italian Grandfather
Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.
An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside,
Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. "
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up' "?
____________________________ _______ _____________
3. Irish Blonde...
An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, but all men are ...men! Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.
2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
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 17th Apr 2018 5:31 pm |
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kajtzu
Member Since: 11 Aug 2017
Location: Helsinki
Posts: 6563
  
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| 17th Apr 2018 5:42 pm |
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J77
Member Since: 03 Mar 2008
Location: Fife
Posts: 6261
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Astonbuilder all is forgiven. 23.5MY Defender 90 X-Dynamic SE D250 MHEV Pangea Green
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| 17th Apr 2018 5:48 pm |
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astonbuilder
Member Since: 29 Sep 2006
Location: MIDLANDS
Posts: 8051
 
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Nope, I admit I chuckled 
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| 17th Apr 2018 7:13 pm |
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NJSS
Member Since: 06 May 2009
Location: Catherington, Hampshire.
Posts: 10479
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Thanks Andy.
NJSS Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.
2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
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| 17th Apr 2018 8:03 pm |
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Hardware
Member Since: 28 Jun 2016
Location: Hiding under the M60
Posts: 12694
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J77 wrote:Astonbuilder all is forgiven.
+1 to that !
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| 17th Apr 2018 8:23 pm |
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maxbasscat
Member Since: 03 Jan 2016
Location: Cambridgeshire
Posts: 1263
  
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D3 2.7 Zermatt silver (not another one)
D3 4.4 V8 Zambezi silver
D3 4.4 V8 Adriatic Blue
D3 2.7 (gone) Tonga Green
D3 4.4 V8 LHD Tonga Green
FFRR TDV8
Defender 300
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| 17th Apr 2018 8:50 pm |
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J77
Member Since: 03 Mar 2008
Location: Fife
Posts: 6261
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astonbuilder wrote:Nope, I admit I chuckled
To be fair that ain’t high praise 23.5MY Defender 90 X-Dynamic SE D250 MHEV Pangea Green
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| 17th Apr 2018 10:31 pm |
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Ceekay
Member Since: 17 May 2009
Location: Bury
Posts: 2057
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 D4 HSE Lux MY16 Club Waitomo
D3 HSE MY06 missing her still…
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| 18th Apr 2018 9:59 am |
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ianm27
Member Since: 02 Jun 2016
Location: Hertfordshire
Posts: 2154
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Aston, all is forgiven Uncle Ray's spare wheel protector
Limo Tint
Blackvue front & rear dashcam
Cruise control switch pack
Bodsy's remote for FBH
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| 18th Apr 2018 10:55 am |
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Charliecloud
Member Since: 31 Jul 2014
Location: Tonbridge
Posts: 980
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| 18th Apr 2018 12:08 pm |
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Alan B
Member Since: 12 Feb 2013
Location: Fife
Posts: 6528
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D3 57 xs Stornaway grey
D2 02 commercial silver gone but a great servant and won't be forgotten
Iid Bluetooth
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| 20th Apr 2018 5:26 pm |
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