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Age-ist
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Hardware
 


Member Since: 28 Jun 2016
Location: Hiding under the M60
Posts: 12676

United Kingdom 2011 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 XS Auto Sumatra BlackDiscovery 4
Age-ist

Found these whilst clearing some space on my PC ... someone Whistle got into trouble sending these anonymously to his more senior colleagues once.


Quote:


These are age-ist jokes ... so you need to ask yourself did i send it to you because you're known for your sense of humour or because you're getting on a bit ?

regards,

Mr. Wrinkly



***************************************************************************

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied d, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"


***************************************************************************

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement centre were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

***************************************************************************

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very highly"
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man
He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?



***************************************************************************

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment. "Where's my toast?"


***************************************************************************

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"


***************************************************************************

Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."


***************************************************************************

A man was telling his neighbour, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbour, "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."


***************************************************************************

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.' "

***************************************************************************

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."
  
Post #207891428th Aug 2019 7:47 am
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Grianaig
 


Member Since: 08 Jul 2014
Location: Tyne and Wear
Posts: 1286

Scotland 2014 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 XS Auto Indus SilverDiscovery 4

As a man of a certain age I appreciate these. Rolling with laughter Bow down
 2014 MY Discovery XS Indus Silver. Sadly gone. Second last LR of forty eight years continuous ownership.  
Post #207894228th Aug 2019 10:59 am
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Ceekay
 


Member Since: 17 May 2009
Location: Bury
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United Kingdom 2016 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 HSE Lux Auto Waitomo GreyDiscovery 4

Laughing Thumbs Up
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D3 HSE MY06 missing her still… 
 
Post #207895228th Aug 2019 11:48 am
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Oswiperus
D3 Decade 


Member Since: 02 Apr 2010
Location: Chelmsford, Essex
Posts: 1590

United Kingdom 2005 Discovery 3 TDV6 SE Auto Java BlackDiscovery 3

Laughing Some good ones there. Thumbs Up
 Stu

2016 D4 Landmark current
2022 Defender D300 SE Gone Sad
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Post #207896128th Aug 2019 12:28 pm
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ianm27
 


Member Since: 02 Jun 2016
Location: Hertfordshire
Posts: 2154

England 2012 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 GS Auto Orkney GreyDiscovery 4

I'm sure I've read those before....................somewhere.............. Whistle
 Uncle Ray's spare wheel protector
Limo Tint
Blackvue front & rear dashcam
Cruise control switch pack
Bodsy's remote for FBH 
 
Post #207903428th Aug 2019 5:17 pm
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Discoveringcomfort
 


Member Since: 16 Sep 2015
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England 2005 Discovery 3 4.4 V8 HSE Auto Zambezi SilverDiscovery 3

The restaurant and Rose is my fave.
 Series 1 V8
Series 2 Hibrid V8
Discovery 3 HSE V8 
 
Post #207915229th Aug 2019 6:16 am
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